Gladiator II
I am not entertained
Denzel Washington is the only reason to bother with this unnecessary sequel.
Years after Maximus Decimus Meridius died for the sins of the Roman Empire in the Colosseum, it seems the sacrifice was in vain. Though he defeated the evil Commodus, even worse rulers have popped up to lead the empire closer to total ruin. Twins Caracalla and Geta (Fred Hechinger and Joseph Quinn) now run Rome, committed to endless wars for their own glory and frivolous celebrations.
The last link to Commodus’ royal line, his sister Lucillia (Connie Nielson), fears that her son Lucius (who was secretly Maximus’ son and therefore probably didn’t have a great claim on the throne) will be in jeopardy should he stay in Rome. She sends him to Africa, where she hopes he can live a quiet life.
Now a man, Lucius (Paul Mescal) is truly following in his father’s footsteps. He’s happily living in a small village when Roman forces invade, slaughter his wife, and force him into gladiatorial slavery.
Hey, remember the annoying little kid who was in six scenes in Gladiator? Want to watch a whole movie about him?
Me either.
It feels as if director Ridley Scott just wanted an easy win after the lackluster performances of his last three films (Napoleon, House of Gucci, and The Last Duel), so he decided to do a quick sequel to one of his most popular movies. The result is…the exact same film as 2000’s Gladiator, only with worse writing and acting. Granted, we mix a little bit of The Lion King into the plot for good measure (the fact that Russell Crowe didn’t appear in a cloud growling “remember who you are” is genuinely shocking considering the level of writing in this tripe).
The result is Gladiator II becoming a naked cash grab of a film that offers nothing new and does all the same things worse than the original film. Yes, there’s a moment in the original Gladiator where you can see the gas cannister used to flip a chariot, but at least the chariot existed. What we get now are CGI nightmare action sequences, each one cheaper looking than the next. There is a fight with baboons that looks like it was animated by people who had only heard rumors of what apes look like. There are also chintzy-looking sharks in the Colosseum now and some truly ugly ships lurching around during battle sequences. By relying so heavily on CGI (especially poorly rendered CGI), the epic scale and nature of the film are depleted. What we’re left with is…frankly, pretty terrible.
First, there’s the casting of Mescal as Lucius. While Mescal has proven himself to be an able actor with beautiful turns in All of Us Strangers and After Sun, he’s totally blank in Gladiator II. Wooden, unfocused, and bored-looking most of the time, it’s hard to root for a man who doesn’t seem to enjoy being on screen. It’s also not a particularly compelling story that a former royal is demanding his “birthright”, but it hardly matters when said royal is a limp noodle of a character.
Internet darling Pedro Pascal doesn’t do much better for himself in the thankless role of “good guy general in a bad situation”. The movie does so much work to make sure we know Pascal isn’t the bad guy that it becomes kind of stupid to watch Mescal snarl about him through endless scenes. Pascal, for his part, looks rather embarrassed about even being on screen. And he should be, he’s far better than this material.
The only person who comes out of this Gladiator film a victor is Denzel Washington, who seems to be starring in a totally different movie than everyone else. While Mescal and Pascal grimace their way through awful dialogue and pitiful scenes, Washington performs like he’s in his own personal production of Caligula. He flirts with a senator, schemes against the royal family, and regards Mescal’s Lucius with the derision he deserves. The result is the only part of the film that isn’t dreary and dull.
Washington plays Macrinus, a former slave who won his freedom and became something of a warlord supplying fighters to Rome. His true intention, however, had always been to collect power and influence until he had enough to topple the empire that enslaved him. He despises Mescal’s talk of “the good Rome” because it was the good Romans who enslaved him.
Somehow, this man is seen as the villain of the piece. I would argue there’s a Ryan Coogler version of Gladiator II where Washington is the wily anti-hero fighting against the empire and the tyranny of royalty. Alas, we just get to watch him play with a pet monkey.
If you were a fan of the original Gladiator and are concussed, this movie might be enjoyable to watch. For anyone else, this is a slog of a film with pathetic graphics, wooden acting, and a villain who needed more screen time if he was going to save this clunker of a film.
Verdict: I’d rather run my fingers over stalks of wheat for three hours than watch this nonsense again.
Gladiator II is rated R and available in theaters November 22
