Moana 2
Disney proves yet again that it would rather rehash stories than do anything original
Second verse, same as the first in this unimaginative sequel.
Three years after she saved her beloved island and convinced her people to reconnect to their wayfinding past, Moana (Auli'i Cravalho) is still exploring the ocean. She’s looking for other people, but coming up empty.
When a vision from her ancestor informs her that the wayfinding peoples of the Pacific Oceans are being kept apart by a malevolent storm god, Moana knows she must thwart the god and reunite the islanders.
She gets a crew together and sets sail. Along the way, she picks up Maui (Dwayne Johnson), her demigod bestie.
Does this all sound familiar? It should, because it’s the plot of Moana. Basically pulling a Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, Moana 2 has to reset the plot, eliminate all character growth, and spin its wheels to justify its own existence. Remember at the end of Moana when all her people got on the ship and began exploring?
Disney doesn’t.
They’re all back to where they were, stuck on Motunui while Moana gets to explore again. And even though Moana has literally crossed an ocean, defeated a destructive god with the power of friendship, and learned that she is nearly unstoppable…we have to learn all of that again because she somehow forgot. No one here learns anything new, no one does anything interesting, and honestly, there’s not even a good song.
So what’s the point?
Disney knows your kids will whine until you take them to see it. And for the smallest viewers, the bright colors and frenetic energy of the scenes might be enough to be interesting. But you’d find more nuance staring into one of those flashing plastic preschool toys you’d find in the clearance aisle at Target.
Speaking of toys, all of the new characters are obviously added because Disney executives were worried you’d already bought a Moana, Maui, and Hei Hei doll. So we get a bland group of side characters who were dreamed up by a bunch of corporate suits hoping to cover their bases in the 3-12 market. You have a plucky nerd girl scientist, a cranky old coot, a nerd fanboy, and a warrior coconut. No, I’m not going to tell you their names, I promise you won’t remember them after seeing the movie.
None of them, save for the coconut who really does some heavy-lifting, contributes much of anything to the story or gets much of a character arc. They’re just there…so Disney can make you spend $30 on a new toy set.
What made Moana so beloved was the combination of emotional storytelling and catchy songs. Both are absent from the sequel. The film tries to trot out the Grandmother for another emotional moment, but it’s just a hollow echo of the original. Worse still, songwriter Lin-Manuel Miranda chose not to return for the sequel, leaving us with the dubious talents of Abigail Barlow and Emily Bear. Instead of catchy songs like “You’re Welcome” or “How Far I’ll Go”, we are subjected the lines “Moana, come on-a” in one of the many indistinguishably dull songs.
If you’ve got a small child, my apologies. I doubt there’s anything I can do to save you from this tripe. But let me make a suggestion to The House of Mouse for Moana 3 — perhaps we could send her on a quest to find out where all of Disney’s original storytelling went.
Verdict: If you don’t stop giving Disney your money, they’ll never learn…
Moana 2 is rated PG and available in theaters November 27
